


Solidarity

by tinytrickster



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Coming Out, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, this is set pre-series btw, this tag is dead and im here to revive it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-02 03:31:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12718755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinytrickster/pseuds/tinytrickster
Summary: They’re the same thoughts that’ve been keeping Jesse up at night, not necessarily because they’re bad, but because he has no clue what to make of them.And every last one of them is about Badger.





	Solidarity

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this really fast in between fits of college stress. Please help me resurrect this tag :,)

A wispy cloud of smoke billows out between Jesse’s lips as he parts them, his head tipping back to watch it drift up towards the ceiling. He’s almost hyper-aware of the solid warmth next to him on the bed, and it’s still at the forefront of his thoughts despite his best efforts to push it away.

“Hey, man, you planning on sharing that?” Badger’s familiar voice cuts through Jesse’s musings. It’s more than welcome.

“Relax, yo,” comes Jesse’s easy reply as he passes the joint off to Badger. “We only lit up like, five minutes ago. You’ll live.”

Badger shoots back with a light hearted insult, but Jesse doesn’t offer a response. He’s too busy getting lost in his thoughts again. They’re the same thoughts that’ve been keeping him up at night, not necessarily because they’re bad, but because he has no clue what to make of them.

And every last one of them is about Badger.

It’s proven to be pretty much impossible to pinpoint where or why they started, but all Jesse knows is that he’s in deep, and he’s fairly confident he’s gay, which is more than a little terrifying.

Maybe just mostly gay. Jesse knows for a fact that he’s still into women. No, that hasn’t changed at all. The only thing that’s new to him is the fact that he’s still thinking way too hard about the way Badger’s fingers had brushed against his when he’d handed over the joint. They’re practically attached at the hip; of course they’ve touched a million times before, but it’s never seemed to stick in Jesse’s mind quite like this before. Briefly, he wonders if maybe something’s wrong with him. He ends up brushing that off though, because no matter how badly it freaks him out that he’s feeling something alarmingly close to attraction to another man, it doesn’t feel _wrong_. Weird, new, different, but not wrong.

“Dude, Jesse, are you even listening to me?” Badger says, nudging his elbow into Jesse’s side.

“Yeah,” Jesse answers even though he can’t repeat a single word Badger had said.

“No fucking way. You’re totally zoned out.”

Badger hands the joint back to Jesse, and he shuts his eyes as he takes a long, slow drag.

“It’s nothing, man, don’t worry about it,” Jesse says, smoke rolling out of his mouth. “I’m fine.”

Luckily, Badger buys it, and a second later, he’s off on a tangent about Red Dwarf. Somewhere along the way, it turns into Lord of the Rings. Jesse isn’t sure exactly how, but he’s not listening very hard, anyway. He’s content to just exist there and enjoy Badger’s presence.

They smoke the joint down to practically nothing, and Badger puts it out in an ashtray on his bedside table. Jesse isn’t as nervous as he would’ve been fifteen minutes ago as he leans over to rest his head on Badger’s shoulder. Badger smells like pot and the faintest undertone of his cheap cologne, and in the moment, it’s the best thing in the world to Jesse.

“What kinda cologne d’you use? I like it,” Jesse blurts before he can rationalize it with himself.

Badger laughs, and it inexplicably makes Jesse smile.

“That’s a little gay, don’t you think?” Badger teases. Jesse sits up straight again and gives Badger’s shoulder a lazy shove.

“Whatever, man. Pass the Funyuns.”

—

It’s been almost a month now.

Jesse still hasn’t come anywhere close to voicing his feelings, but he thinks maybe there’s a little something there that wasn’t before. He’s bolder now, letting himself sit closer and touch longer and stare just a tiny bit more. The best (and frankly, most surprising) part is, Badger doesn’t seem to mind it.

Sure, he teases Jesse pretty much mercilessly, but it would be weird if he didn’t. It’s obvious to both of them that it’s just that — teasing. Badger’s had a million chances to tell Jesse off or push him away, but he never does. Not even now, while Jesse is sitting in the floor between Badger’s legs, leaning back against his chest while they watch Star Trek reruns on Badger’s outdated TV. 

Jesse feels kind of tiny when he’s pressed up against Badger’s much larger body like this, but it’s somehow more comforting than it is inducing of self-consciousness. It’s a feeling of safety, almost. Something warm and solid. That’s more than Jesse can say about most aspects of his life. Even though Badger isn’t really reciprocating, just letting Jesse lean on him, there’s a faint air of affection there. Jesse won’t say it out loud in a million years, but he loves the way he can feel Badger’s breathing and hear his heart beating. He’s always been a sucker for the little things.

“God, can’t we watch something else? This shit’s putting me to sleep,” Jesse complains, tilting his head back to stare up at Badger. “This blows.”

“I can’t believe I’m even friends with you, man,” Badger jokes. Almost like he’s not even thinking about it, he wraps his arms around Jesse’s middle and rests his chin on the top of his head. Jesse stiffens a little, just for a brief second. His skittishness makes him want to feel trapped by the embrace, but that urge disappears just as soon as it had come.

“Yo, I’m not your girlfriend,” Jesse says, even though the absolute last thing he wants is for Badger to let go. But he does let go, and it’s accompanied by a mumbled, “Sorry” that Jesse swears sounds a little disappointed.

Jesse lets a couple seconds of silence tick by before he reaches back to grab Badger’s wrist, pulling his arm back around his waist.

Badger doesn’t say anything, just curls his fingers slowly around Jesse’s narrow hip and holds him.

—

They don’t talk about it. Not for a long while, anyway, and it’s just long enough to make Jesse think maybe it’s time to just forget it. More than that, it’s driving him up the wall. He’s always been a little more sensitive, a little more in touch with his feelings than some of his friends, and he hates keeping this all bottled up. When he thinks about it, he’s not sure which would be worse: driving himself crazy, or potentially screwing up the friendship he’s built with Badger.

Getting a little cozy with each other from time to time and declaring love were two completely different things. Jesse thinks maybe “declaring love” is sort of a strong phrase, but he falls hard and fast, and so it’s really not much of an overstatement. It’s an aspect of his personality he’s always simultaneously adored and hated. Right now, he mostly hates it.

He’s sitting in the passenger seat of Badger’s secondhand car while they share a bag of tacos they’d picked up in a drive-thru, and it’s taking practically all of Jesse’s strength to not just start blurting things out. It’s quiet, peacefully so, with the radio on low for some background noise. If Jesse wasn’t so sure Badger would make fun of him incessantly, he’d call it the perfect setting for having a heart-to-heart. They’re parked out in front of a tiny convenience store across the street from the taco place, and even though it’s pretty late at night, Jesse feels at ease in the darkness.

“You ever have, like...weird thoughts about somebody?” Jesse says suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence.

“What kind of weird?” Badger asks around a mouthful of taco. “Like, sexy weird or creepy weird?”

Jesse crosses his arms and looks out the window at the dim parking lot. There isn’t much interesting out there, but it makes his palms sweat less than staring at Badger does.

“I don’t know. Just forget it.” Jesse closes his eyes and leans his head back against the seat.

“Whatever, man,” Badger replies and reaches over to turn up the radio. There’s a short while of neither of them saying anything, and then he finally speaks up again. “Y’know you can talk to me, right? I mean, like, if you’re going through some shit...That’s what friends are for, bro. Something like that.”

Jesse opens his eyes again and turns his head to look over at Badger. Slowly, he nods. His heart feels like it’s doing flips in his ribcage. He just forces himself to focus on how good it’ll feel to finally get this off his chest.

“Promise you won’t freak.”

“I swear.”

Jesse pulls the sleeves of his oversized hoodie down over his hands and spends a second or two nervously shifting in his seat. He can feel Badger watching him expectantly, but he’s not about to say anything without really thinking it through first. It’s not like he hasn’t daydreamed about this exact scenario a million times before, but imagining it is a hell of a lot easier than living it. Jesse takes a deep, preparatory breath.

“Have you ever thought about, like, being with a dude?” he begins. He frowns lightly with thought, staring down at his lap. “Y’know, romantically. _Sexually_.”

Badger laughs, but he quickly shuts himself up as it dawns on him that Jesse’s being serious. Slowly, his expression sobers, his mouth hanging partway open. Jesse can practically see the gears turning in Badger’s head as he struggles to formulate a response.

“Dude...you’re gay?” he says finally. There’s no judgement there, just baffled interest. Jesse blushes anyway and turns in his seat so that he’s facing the door with his back to Badger. A part of him wants to argue no, he still likes women too, but it seems a little pointless. “Hey. Look at me.”

Tentatively, Jesse peeks over his shoulder, then finally adjusts to sit properly in his seat again. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen such a serious expression on Badger’s face before.

“What?” Jesse replies. It comes out sounding almost like a sigh.

Suddenly, all he can see is Badger’s face, and his eyes blow wide with surprise as their mouths fit clumsily together for just a fleeting moment. It’s all in all an incredibly unsatisfying kiss, but Jesse can still feel his lips tingling long after they break apart. He figures he has to look completely caught off guard because Badger’s panic is palpable now, and he’s quickly retreating to his own side of the car.

“Okay, forget it,” Badger says and reaches for the keys to start up the engine. “Sorry. Just getting some mixed signals here, bro.”

Jesse’s hand darts out to grab Badger’s wrist just before he turns the key. Badger shoots Jesse a questioning look, but Jesse shuts him up before he can even open his mouth. He leans over and plants both hands firmly on Badger’s broad shoulders, squeezing his eyes shut as their lips meet again. This one lingers for what feels like forever. Badger tastes like cheap tacos, which Jesse briefly thinks is vaguely gross until he remembers he probably tastes exactly the same way.

He expects it to be infinitely awkward when he breaks for air, but it isn’t. The way Badger is looking at him now makes Jesse’s head spin, and teasing doesn’t even cross either of their minds. Jesse’s fingertips are still pressed into Badger’s shoulders like he never wants to let go.

“I guess you’re pretty gay too, huh?” Jesse says after what feels like a decade. The shock has mostly faded away, giving way to a little playful smirk.

“Shut up.”

\--

Jesse hasn’t ever really given much thought to how tight and uncomfortable the backseat of Badger’s car is before now. He figures it’s probably because any time he’s been back here, he’s been sitting up rather than spread out on his back with Badger practically smothering him as they both struggled to find a halfway comfortable position.

“Dude, cut it out! You elbowed me in the ribs like, a hundred times,” Jesse complains. He finally settles with one leg draped over the back of the seats and the other hanging off into the floor.

“It’s fucking cramped back here, man!” Badger argues. “We can’t all be tiny as hell.”

Jesse reaches up to smack the back of Badger’s head. His hand settles on the back of Badger’s neck, his fingers just barely brushing the ends of his curls. The whole thing is surreal. This is what Jesse’s been silently pushing for for weeks now, but there’d always been a part of him that hadn’t expected to get anywhere.

“What? You’re kinda freaking me out,” Badger says, and Jesse suddenly realizes he’s been staring.

“Nothing.”

Jesse sits up slightly, just enough to draw Badger into a kiss. His lips are slightly chapped, and he still tastes like Mexican food, and Jesse wouldn’t trade it for the world. There’s considerably more feeling behind it this time, enough to make Jesse’s stomach flutter. He grabs a handful of Badger’s hair and tugs as he lays down flat on his back again. Badger’s knee slots in between Jesse’s legs, but he keeps it just barely out of reach. _Asshole_.

Jesse grunts and wriggles around until he manages to scoot closer. Something about that is apparently funny to Badger, and his soft laughter sounds right in Jesse’s ear.

“What, bitch?” Jesse snaps, though there’s no real anger behind it, only desperation.

“Just like messing with you.”

“Well, stop.”

Instead of moving his leg, Badger manages to snake a hand down in between their bodies and feels around until he finds the jutting outline of Jesse’s cock in his jeans. It makes Jesse jump, and his breath catches in his throat. Badger’s hand feels warm and heavy and nearly big enough to cup Jesse entirely.

“Man, that’s weird,” Badger remarks. “Touching somebody else’s stuff, I mean. Feels, like...backwards.”

Jesse rolls his eyes. Their casual conversation helps keep his nerves at bay, so he refrains from telling Badger to shut up. The hand in Badger’s hair tightens into a fist as he curls his fingers to give Jesse an almost experimental squeeze. Neither of them say a thing as Badger’s hand inches upwards until he reaches Jesse’s belt and tugs at it clumsily until he gets it undone. He wrestles with the button and zipper on Jesse’s jeans for an agonizing moment, then finally slips his hand underneath the fabric of Jesse’s boxers.

A soft sigh of relief forces its way up out of Jesse’s throat as his eyes flutter shut. He can tell Badger is thinking about making another snarky remark, but he stays quiet. Maybe he’s just as enthralled by this as Jesse is now. Jesse hisses as Badger tugs him out of his boxers and the cool air ghosts over his heated skin. Soon it doesn’t matter in the slightest. Badger’s stroking him fast and rhythmic, the friction from his palm chasing away the chill and making Jesse squirm.

“ _Shit_ ,” Jesse gasps, gripping desperately at Badger’s shoulders. It feels about a million times better than any time Jesse has ever done anything with himself. He’s not quite sure if that’s just because it’s someone else touching him or because it’s Badger.

“Quit wiggling,” Badger teases. “Jeez, it’s like you never done this before.”

Jesse huffs out a noise that might just as easily be a laugh as a groan. He’s too distracted to think of any sort of intelligent response to that. He opens his mouth anyway, but all that comes out is a breathy, “Please.” A pale blush warms Jesse’s cheeks at how wanton he sounds. No matter how much he hates it, he can’t seem to regain his composure.

Badger pulls his hand away, and Jesse’s sure he’s going to cry. His lips part in a sound embarrassingly close to a whine, which is remedied just a second later as Badger’s fingers curl around him again. Jesse had been so thoroughly preoccupied that he hadn’t even thought to wonder where Badger’s hand had gone, but now it’s obvious. Along with the broad flat of Badger’s palm, Jesse can feel their cocks pressed up against one another, all heated skin and hard lines.

Jesse stares wide-eyed up at Badger, only a tiny ring of blue visible around his dilated pupils. It’s too dark for him to make out the details of Badger’s expression, but his light panting as he starts stroking again is evidence enough that he’s enjoying this as much as Jesse is. He shuts his eyes as Badger leans in closer, his nose tucked against Jesse’s cheek and their mouths just barely touching. Their breathing grows faster almost in sync, coming out in hot puffs between their lips.

Jesse all but completely loses his grasp on the concept of time before the tight coil in his core finally gives. His back arches up away from the faux leather of the car seats as his body tenses, his toes curling in his shoes and the muscles in his thighs trembling. It isn’t until his eyes flutter open and his breathing calms back down that he registers the fact that he’d come at nearly the exact same second as Badger. There’s an unpleasantly sticky mess between their bellies now, but Jesse can’t bring himself to care just yet.

“You’re really fucking heavy,” is the first thing out of Jesse’s mouth. He playfully nudges Badger in the ribs, which doesn’t make him move at all. If Jesse’s being honest with himself, he can’t remember the last time he’s been this content, even if Badger is making breathing a little difficult.

“Deal with it,” Badger replies, his tone an impeccable mix of tired and amused. A long while of silence that’s a hell of a lot less awkward than Jesse is anticipating stretches between them before Badger breaks it again. “There’s a taco left, bro. Wanna split it?”

They do, and it’s the best taco Jesse’s ever had.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @jessebadger !


End file.
